This stuff I am writing.
I really want to wait another month (or year… no no, better make it two years) before I start putting my words out into the world wide web again because I am anxious about this thing I am doing. About writing. About putting my thoughts and feelings out there for other people to see.
I want to wait until I think out the perfect plan. Wait until I write the perfect post (should it be “into the world wide web” or “onto the world wide web”?). Wait and think out every detail. Wait and think of all the things that might go wrong. Wait and think for endless hours about how other people are going to react and feel about this: Will they judge me? Will they agree with me? Will I get the sometimes elusive “like” on Facebook to give me some strange, modern validation for what I’m doing in life?
I want to think and think and think it all over because thinking is safe. Thinking about something means I don’t ever have to act. The more I think about something, the more there is to think about. I can just think and think forever in the safety of my brain and never actually act on what I’m thinking about.
Which is great because acting is terrifying.
Acting makes things happen. Good things. Bad things. All the things! Acting means movement. Acting means change. Acting means being vulnerable. Acting means giving up my false sense of control over my life and venturing into the unknown. Acting means stop drawing out a detailed map and start walking even if you have no freaking clue where you are going aside from a vague (and terrible) sense of direction.
Acting means actually living life instead of just thinking about living it.
I’ve been missing out on so much life because of all this overthinking #thanksanxiety
So right now? Right this second? I’m going to break the cycle of overthinking and act. I’m going to click post on this sucker and see what happens.
Maybe the world will end.
Maybe I’ll vomit because I’m so anxious about this and my chest is feeling tight and my stomach is doing a funny little dance.
Or maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.
