Aug 22, 2017

When The Hustle Is All You Have

Self-care is so difficult because it means halting my hustle.

I always feel like I should be hustling. I always feel like I need to be in GO GO GO mode.

And I can't stop.

I can't stop hustling.

I have to keep going. I have to keep hustling. Without the hustle, I am nothing. I am worthless. | Hot Pink Crunch

At some point in my life, I tied my self-worth up completely in my ability to be useful and productive: to go to work to support my family and to do all the housework and fight legal battles and be social coordinator and master healthy chef in between runs to the laundromat and supermarket (where I always saved money by getting the best deals!). My value was founded in never resting, in always taking on more and more and more.

I was valuable because I was super woman. I was worthy of love because I was wife of the year.

It's really not a control thing.

It's a self-esteem thing.

It's a self-worth thing.

It's a "I don't see any value in myself beyond my being useful" thing.

So I keep going even though my body can't handle this pace I have set for myself because I have to keep going. I have to keep hustling. It is absolutely necessary.

If I stop hustling, I'm nothing.

I have no worth without the hustle.