The Hot Crunch

When I was little…

• I wanted to be a teacher. I thought I could teach preschool, and used to think of fun activities. As I got older, I realized that the idea of being around a ton of kids made me anxious. They’re cute, but when they outnumber you? They’re dangerous!
• I wrote a play about red worms. I volunteered to take the giant container of red worms our class was raising home for the summer. You had to feed them garbage because they were natural composters. They were disgusting. The play was actually a musical.
• My sister and I used to recreate the scene from The Princess Bride where Buttercup pushes Wesley down the giant hill. We would shove each other down the hill in our front yard and then cry out, “As you wiiiiiiiish!”
• I wanted to have a first communion. That didn’t fit in with our religious beliefs, and what I really wanted was a poofy dress. If I had my way, I would have worn a poofy dress every day of my life. The poofier and frillier, the better. When I got married, I almost went with a mermaid style gown. Then I realized that this was my chance and I embraced it!

As a teenager…

• I discovered music. Rock, punk rock, and ska got into my blood. I’ve lost count of how many live shows I’ve been to at this point. “When I got the music, I’ve got a place to go.”
• I read every Star Wars expanded universe book at least five times each. I wanted to fly an X-Wing with Wedge Antilles. 
• I met the boy I wanted to marry. He had spiky hair. He smelled like the wood burning stove in his house. It took me over a year to let him kiss me. I’ve wanted to kiss him every single day since that first one.
• I started text based role playing online. Oh my, I can’t believe I just admitted to that to the whole world! I’ve been holding it back for too long though. Role playing was my creative escape. It was like reading your favorite book only being in it. I could control what happened to my character. I made friends I’m still close to today, and together we wove the most amazing stories.
• I wore a cat ear headband for an entire year.
• I was told that I wasn’t ready for a college level writing course as a junior in high school. I took it anyway and killed it. What do you think of me now Ms. Walcott!? B.A. in English Literature.

As an adult…

• I married my best friend. We are silly and ridiculous together. My farts are louder but his usually stink. We laugh a lot. We’re binge watching Malcom in the Middle. We still go to live music shows. We love cartoons. He took care of me when I had foot surgery. I didn’t leave him when he became disabled from a head injury.
• I did not become a High School English teacher. No one tells you that just because you’re super qualified and awesome, you may not find a job right away. And then I realized that I didn’t want to wake up at 5:00am every morning, put on a pantsuit (waaaaaay too short for that!), and try to convince teenagers that reading, writing, and critical thinking were important. Teaching to the test is stupid too.
• I found out that living with someone who is depressed is much different than dating them. 
• My husband got a head injury.
• We lost our apartment.
• We moved in with my family.
• I realized that I am stronger than I could possibly ever imagine.